back to work

the day has come that I become a working mom. I am pretty nervous on many levels. Work has seemed to get along just fine without me. I'm wondering how hard it's going to be to get back into the mix of work. Also, I have certain goals to meet this year (you mean being a working mom isn't good enough?) I hate having "extra" above and beyond goals. Before I had the baby I worked 10+ hours of OT a week. I mean, how much more do they want from me? It's going to be very hard to work OT now that my bedtime is 9pm.

This last month, Jake and I did something fun everyday. I will miss our time together! Not that I am not just going to miss him in general. I was at church today without him and I couldn't wait to get back home. Tomorrow is going to be so weird.

But still, will I go back to work and be the same good employee I was? Or will it all just seem kinda of stupid now? Plus, I am going to be soooo tired. I will probably have a hard time getting through the day.

Now, I am still wearing maternity pants. Uggg. Somedays I am quite depressed about this. I worked my butt off this last month - 30 day shred, plus another hour of aerobics (walking or Wii Personal Trainer) everyday. But, I think I eat too much crap still, so I am trying to diet. I am the worst dieter and I did terrible this weekend. This weeks People had a story about Melissa Joan Hart and how hard it was for her to lose the weight. It made me a feel little better, but her diet is daunting!

Finally, the depression has hit me pretty hard some days still. My poor DH bears the brunt of it. I hope we make it through this. I am quite ashamed that I could be depressed with such a wonderful little baby who is such a blessing I don't deserve. But, I know this is just what it is. Something I need to get through. It is getting better and it will.

Time for Jake's bath. Hopefully during my lunch hours I will catch up on my emails to you all--