work schmerk

It took me all of about a day to get back into the work swing of things. I was actually kind of amazed how easy it was to be back and be busy almost right away. I do sit at my desk and day dream of Jake in between meetings and always I count the hours down until 5:30!

Last weekend, Matt was back in Allentown for his grandmother's funeral and I had Jake all by myself overnight for the second or third time ever. It went pretty well. Jake was in a great mood during the day and even took long naps while we were home. I really enjoyed having the time with him. Taking Fridays off is so nice. I need the time to catch up on my house work and just generally slow down a bit from my packed weekday schedule. I still feel a tug to be working and I think I will probably work some hours at least every other Friday. It will be unavoidable.

And despite having a nice weekend with Jake, he did get up 3 times on Saturday night and for some reason this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I have a hard time falling asleep when I first go to bed (even though I am so tired). I have a really hard time falling asleep after the first wake up and if there are 2 or 3, then I am just toast. After that 3rd time getting up, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably (however, Matt can and does sleep through everything, no matter who is crying). I am pretty sure I was feeling bad about the usual things. I realized that alot of my work tops didn't fit anymore (cause I am busting out of them) so I did some shopping for some new XL sized tops. I think once I stop BF, my regular clothes will fit again, but still I am already so on edge about the whole closet full of clothes that don't fit thing. I think also I am lonely. I don't have a best friend here in Indy that I can just hang out with when I want to or call up for a sanity check. Everyone is sooo busy with kids and travel and whatever. But I almost always feel better after a good cry, but sometimes they really seem to come out of no where.

I love Jake. He is doing so many cute things now. He rolls over to sleep and it's just so dang cute to see! He also coos and giggles and looks at me with such loving eyes. I don't ever want to forget this time.

I started running again last week. I have to wear two sports bras (which is not good for my milk) but I was able to run 3 miles already which I was really surprised about! I was so tired when I went for my run last Sunday that I left my car door open, purse inside, for the entire hour I was gone. Sheesh!!

And the best for last... In the last month, I've found out that many of my friends who were struggling to get pg have had success (either by surprise or not!) And for this reason, my heart is truly full. Bring on the baby showers, I say. Maybe I'm in a dream world with my sleep deprivation, but ah man, it is soooo nice to think about the happiness out there right now.