Week 3

I am really looking forward to seeing Jacob's personality emerge. He is an adorable little boy but still very much a mystery. I was warned that at the beginning babies can almost seem like a doll because they are so demanding but don't really have a personality or acknowlege with any kind of expression "hey mom you rock for this round the clock care!" So, I knew this was going to be tough and also a huge adjustment just because I'm a 35 year old woman who's been doing her own thing for so long. I swear though, Jake does smile sometimes...he is starting to emerge!

Right now, Jacob has a few good hours in the morning where he's not fussy and we can do tummy time or just chill out together and talk or read. Then it seems like the rest of the day is the battle to get him to nap. The kid does not want to sleep during the day! In my newborn care class, I was assured I could catch up on some of my sleep by napping during his naps. Nope... this week at best he's slept 2 hours during the day! At night, it's hard to get him to wake for his prescribed every 3 hours feedings. I think the long term trend is good here, but we are trying to feed him like we were told to.

Honestly though, I still haven't figured out what to do with a newborn. He's not really interested in much yet, although he likes to stare out the window or at shadows. I talk and read to him and the jury is out on whether or not he is really digging this. Matt was doing shadow puppets for him yesterday, he seemed to like this! This week I've had 3 days on my own totally during the day. The first one was OK because I got enough sleep in between night feedings. The second was a disaster because I did not. After talking to my lactation consultant, she told me it was OK to go ahead with the rescue bottle at midnight. So now Matt is feeding Jacob a bottle (of my good stuff) and I'm sleeping 5 hours in a row. The first night I could have cried I was so happy to get this much sleep. It helped a ton too and I can deal with no napping during the day better. The next two weeks are going to be a challenge because of Matt's travel schedule. We were just getting a schedule worked out, so it sucks. At least he was here for the birth, I can't imagine how I would have done it without him.

Besides getting to know Jacob's schedule and getting enough sleep to function, my next goal is start to feel more "human" again. I've pretty much been in pajamas for the last 3 weeks. I have one bra that fits and really, just barely. My c-section still hurts and I can't walk very fast or if I do, it really starts to hurt. I had a dream...yes a dream...where I was applying makeup and doing my hair. That's how bad it is. I still also have this weird belly left over that I hope and pray continues to shrink. I think in time, I'll start to feel better and hopefully start exercising again (if I can find the time) but in the meantime, I am still in half human limbo. I guess I never knew how hard the recovery was going to be.