Again, I just need to get this out... it's almost the end of week #2. So far I've had help here everyday which has been nice because it means I can get a worry free 2 hour nap in the morning (worry free because someone else is watching the baby and making sure he is ok). the most sleep I get is 2 hours at a time and I am lousy at falling asleep, so it's more like an hour and that's only if the baby is sleeping too. Most nights he doesn't sleep. I have to feed him and/or pump every 3 hours. That's just the drill for now.
So most mornings, I just cry. I'm so tired and I just have to let it out. It's like, got the baby fed, got the pumping done, have a minute here...Ok time to cry. Then I cry a little when DH leaves for work or comes home because I miss him so much and haven't really spent any time with him this week. Usually he comes home from work, we have dinner, he plays with baby and I go and sleep in between the 9pm and midnight feeding.
So, I think these are the baby blues. I can still eat with abandon and play with the baby during the day. But, I'll have to keep an eye on it.
This was the first day that I haven't taken vicodent! I still needed advil a few times. I think my csection pain was worse than others. Also, I was able to get a pair of shoes on for first time in 2 weeks. I didn't have any swelling at all during the pg, but after the surgery, my ankles were super swollen and I had to wear socks home from the hospital. I hope this means that I'm going to feel more up to being on my own next week. Crap...I am just crying thinking about it. Uggg... how am I going to do it??
Need to sleep while I can. Thanks for the support on my previous post. I really need to hear it and maybe start believing it.
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9 comments:
hang in there! It's okay to cry. It'll get better :-) (hugs!)
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you! I can only imagine how tired you are - but it can only get better. So keep your head up! And a good cry is always a good! :)
You sound like me. I can reassure you that it has gotten better. Hang in there!
I have no advice, but wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you! ((Hugs))
Thank you, Andrea for being so honest about how you are feeling right now. I have had abdominal surgery so I know how you feel, pain wise, and how discouraging it is to not be able to wear shoes due to swelling. I've been thinking of you as I get ready for my first IVF next month. I love your honesty on how motherhood/childbirth/recovery isn't rosy and sweet. Thank you for sharing with us!
I am sorry you are feeling like this. To be honest I am glad you posted this because I feel the same way at times. I just want to cry because I feel like all I do is feed the baby or pump. I am so tired and just want to sleep. From what everyone says, it gets better, so I hope you can get through this quickly and feel better.
Congrats on your little one and it will get better. I'm a big believer in crying it out.
(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry, sweetie. As much as it doesn't feel like it, from what I've heard this is all normal. It still sucks, though. You'll get through it, I know you can. ((HUGS))
Hey, Andrea - Just checked in with your blog out of curiosity to see how you're managing. I, too, am a huge advocate of releasing these feelings as you have them, as opposed to letting them eat you up from the inside out. Cut yourself some slack, my dear - you went through a tough late stage in your pg, and a c/s is very hard to bounce back from no matter what- your body's doing the best it can, what with taking care of Jacob, feeding, and trying to recover all at once. You'll be amazed in a couple more weeks how fast it picks up the pace. Just b/c c-sections happen all the time does not mean they're not major surgery, and that they don't invoke major trauma on your body. Even the slow healing can take an emotional toll - so some could be hormonal to be sure - but the rest would happen to anyone after a major surgical event. Hang in there, and keep doing what you're doing - b/c you're doing it all right, and soon you'll be more in balance with the Andrea you remember being before all this craziness! Meantime, love your son - it's all he really wants or needs from you just yet (well...that, and your milk, and clean diapers). :)
Best,
Katie (from St. V's yoga, and the nest).
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